y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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