I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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