The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
