Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
