Buhtt sex?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
