We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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