You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
