do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
