Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
