he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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