My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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