i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
