In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
