Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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