Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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