My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
