So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
