I want to walk on stilts...naked
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
