it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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