The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
