I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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