This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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