Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
