don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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