I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
