I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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