He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we still banned from the library?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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