I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
