Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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