i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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