dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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