p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
