I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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