I'm really into asian looking animals
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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