Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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