i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
