While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
