I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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