just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
