have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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