Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
