Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize