Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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