i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
