toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
