god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
