Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
