she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
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