so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
