So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
