I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
