i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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