I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
