That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize