my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
