there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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