"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
