did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
