You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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