I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
