There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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