oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
