.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
