Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
