please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize