Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
