i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
