so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize