guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
