dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
