It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
