Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
