I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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