do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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