so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
PANTIES FOUND
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