Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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