So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
