your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
