There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
