Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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