You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
