I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
