The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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