You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
